A Weekend Start

My weekend morning was odd.  I wasn’t expecting someone so early as 5:30 in the morning would be calling my name so loud outside the house. Still on bed, I was wondering who on earth would come and see me. It had been almost a year and two months since I kept so silent since my favorite teacher passed away.

My favorite teacher taught for 33 years. At 60, she bid goodbye to her passion of safeguarding children with good public education.  She formally retired from teaching after a year. She did not teach me under a school’s roof but I have learned so much from her.  For over a decade, she was with us as both her sisters were out of the country most of the time. Her sister in Europe has not been home for nine years. Her youngest sister, a green card holder, barely comes home.  Though she came home on the second week of my favorite educator’s hospital stay when we were awaiting for her natural death, we’ve been through a lot of struggles in changing mind and decisions. We were confronted with a decision of whether or not to pull the tube and who is gonna pull the tube, and was even asked why we decided for an intubation.

She was single at 75. We are her immediate family. Her two sisters were not there when she was pleading for help, when she was gasping for breath, when her oxygen saturation has dropped to 20%, when she insistently signed for an immediate hemodialysis, when eagerly she would ask for a pen and paper for her to write her requests every after two hours, when she was demanding for her nephrologist, internist, pulmonogist, and neurologist. She was fully aware, oriented, and not brain dead.

Five years ago, these were her medications:

  1. Prilosec (Omeprazole) 40 mg – for GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease)

  2. Calcium carbonate 500 mg  – for osteoporosis.

  3. Neo-Mercazole 5 mg – for hyperthyroidism.

  4. Neurovit – vitamin supplementation.

  5. Ciprofloxacin 500 mg – lung infection.

  6. Ketosteril 600 mg – Chronic renal insufficiency.

  7. Neobloc 100 mg – hypertension.

  8. Norvasc 10 mg. – high blood pressure.

  9. Captopril 25 mg – ACE inhibitor, heart failure.

  10. Duphalac 30 cc – laxative

  11. Lasix (Furosemide) 40 mg- edema

  12. Mixtard Novolet 30 units before breakfast and 20 units before dinner subcutaneously.

  13. Avandia 4 mg- diabetes

  14. Simvastatin 40 mg  – Hypercholesterolemia.

So for five years, I have been giving her premeal insulin. Five years ago, she was diagnosed with CRF. Five years ago, she was due for a dialysis but she was so against it. She opted for a weekly Recormon injection shot instead. Remember Tinay when you’re so willing to donate her a pack of blood, she was so thankful then because of your thoughtfulness.  She was fond of you and she likes seeing you wearing adorable skirts.

Did her youngest sister stay for a night in the hospital? Naah.

Several minutes after the resident physician declared her expiration, I hurriedly rushed to the nearest phone booth at the hospital and called her youngest sister, all I’ve got was this sole question. “Madyan pa ko?”

Pointless, senseless, nonsense. She wasn’t there for her.

Since then, she has been troubling my peace. I haven’t seen her since the funeral till this early morning.

And the rest was heartbreaking.

This day was a moment of awakening (literally and metaphorically); allowing me to experience the low points of life in order to teach me lessons I could only learn in any other way. Not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them, and the mere act of forgiving.

note:
after this one, I’m resting from blogging at least for a week or two.
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